Shades of my life

Confused...

2007-10-06T12:47:00.000-07:00

its NOT what i can do...ITS what i want to do.....

but i always want to do something i don't know if i can do or not.....

CONFUSED !!!! thats what i am....

still searching for something....

Things i wanted to write about but never did....

2007-06-25T01:50:00.000-07:00

Foreigner in my own country...... the language barrier i faced at banglore bus stop......
One glued page..... of my life book which no one knows about but me....
My super hero squad..... everyone around me have some kind of super power they don't even know about....

and lotsa other stuff....

maybe one day i will.....

Just thinking...

2007-06-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

TV made a huge impact on kids....

ok nothing new about it..... but the point i wanna make here is the connection it makes....

in earlier days (the dd days) we have only one channel to watch...so everybody watches the same channel....EVERYBODY..... and while watching it you are sure that all your other friends are watching the exact same thing with their family members....so you can discuss next day about it with anybody.... now when there are million channels and million programs..... you are never sure if anyone else you know is watching the same thing....if they are its a MIRACLE.... which usually happened with me and one my pals when she was in india.... so now you feel a connection if you like the same shows.... so basically DD used to make that connection for entire india in 90s.....
getting my point....

so this post is for the one thing i will always miss in my life....
JUNGLE BOOK..... the final episode..... when whole india was watching it i had my play rehearsal... i never watched that episode..... but i lied about it next day that it was awesome so that i wont be an outcast... :-/
it was telecasted again after few days and i was home.... but i didn't watched it..... i dont know why.... but yeah there it is...i said it.... i haven't seen the jungle book final episode ever...

Another adventure....of different kind......

2006-07-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

being from a village i know few things about how to buy a cow....
standard procedure:
ask for price
check the teeth for right age determination and diseases etc.
go at the time of twilight... to check the milk productivity.....
never show interest in the begining......and by the end show extremly interested...but don't finalize the deal...leave your number to the seller......that way you have a upper hand.

why am i telling this...... ok..... it all started on sunday 9th july morning....
10 am: i got a call that he want to meet me.... me drunk from last night party....didn't even know who he is.... he said he will reach noida by 4:00 pm....i said "ok....meet you at 4:00"
2:00 pm : i got up finally....saw all the calls.....no clue whom i talked to....
4:00 pm : somebody knocked on my door.....
it was an embarassing situation..... on the door was standing a gentleman and a lady.....they actually came to SEE me..... as a suitable guy for their daughter.... ME..... hah!!
so i was like a decent guy entertained them for next half an hour....
it was just the starting...the whole awkward environment......then the gentleman broke the silence with his standard set of questions.......
"so how much you earn??" ---- what??? no seriously.....WHAT??? you just came to my house three minutes ago......
"enough to live my life happily :)" --- now thats a witty one
"do you wear specs...there are dark circles under your eyes...." --- the door is that way mister......i am already embarrased by this whole situation.....
"he he he.....work pressure??? irregular eating habits...afterall i am a bachelor" ----- oh ya...did i mentioned beer!!
"after five years do you want to stay in india or abroad?" --- man you should be in the HR
"India.... fer sure!!" --- standard answer i learned from few interviews i gave in different companies
"how do you commute?" --- how the hell that matters?????
"oh i have a car" --- yeah mister I HAVE A CAR
"Have you seen our daughter?" --- oh please tell me she is a famous personality.....
"Not yet" ---- yeah yeah yeah...i know every gal in delhi...you must have thought i have seen your daughter....whats her number again.....
"Ok we will talk to your parents for the rest?" --- hellooooooo......what REST...there is NO REST......it ends here...now....tata...bye bye....
"ya please call them.....i ll also talk to them" --- and will ask on top of my voice.....what was all this DRAMA......
"this is our number......98********.....give us a call" --- oh yeah SURE!!!
"thanks" --- FINALLY

i think now you got the point.....

p.s. - if anybody need THE number.....he/she is welcome.....

Phoenix.......

2006-07-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

hmmm...
to much to write and nothing i can think of right now.....

strange things i felt in last week....

- orkut is an addiction..... don't know how many times i visit my page in a day.... just to see if there is any message from her....keeps on refreshing..... i hate to see the same number of scraps... and i feel strange kind of joy when i see an extra scrap.... and it usually turn into more sadness when i see its from someone else.....

- how can someone shows a pic of a girl and ask, "So what do you think?"...i mean what can i think.... its not a shop where you see something you like and you buy it.... i m wondering how many times my pic being discarded by the gals... :( :)

- it takes a small comment to turn my mood from supreme ecstasy to supreme .... i m still searching the right word for deep saddning feeling with lots of frustration.......

- i feel jealous..... lot of times.....

- classical singing is soul soothing.....

currently worshiping : kristina kreuk
currently listening : aahista......aahista......
current state of mind : calm

Saints have the past...Sinners have the future

2006-01-14T22:58:00.000-08:00

we won the cricket final(its one of the most exciting game i ever played) !!!!

so celebrating it in the pub with couple of beers and there is this gal who is sitting along with her friends.....

Me :Wow!! she is gorgeous....isn't she ??
Me :WHAT!!.....ofcourse she IS !!!

Me: What do you think,is she alone ??
Me: Comeon idiot! she is with those GALS!!

Me: Hmmm....what do you think should I proceed ??
Me: Wait for a second and just check what actually she likes...you dont wanna open your mouth with some wise ass comment of your when she is an intellect type...or just NOT YOUR TYPE(which means you are not her type)

Me: Did you see she was giglling on that comment of mine ?
Me: Dumbo!! She was choking on that big sip of the drink she had.

Me: Comeon yaar!! let me just wave and say hello....that won't be stupid...or would it be ?
Me: YA do that...... and do tell me if she asked for more drinks or the bill.

Me: You know what.....you are just waisting my time....with all of your bullshit i am just sitting here ogling over her.....when i can just go to her and say hello....i mean whats the harm in it...i mean we men are always out of ideas....if we should be funny....or intellect or sportsman or RICH to woo a gal..... i mean we should not waste our time in all that and just go ahead with the first thing in the mind....and you just see....what i am going to do now( with the biggest grin on my face)!!
Me: He he he...too late my friend she already left!!

Sure!!!

2006-01-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

Five things i liked about GOA ( not in any order)
1. Walking on the beach in the night
2. Singing with the sound of waves
3. Vintage Churches
4. Sunset on the beach
5. Driving on the roads in night

Present state of mind : calm

Song of the week : cannonball

New year resolution : none

want to write so much about so many things but....

p.s. - the title has no relation with the post ( if you noticed the title)

A sad deja-vu

2005-12-18T01:03:00.000-08:00

And here comes another weekend...
My week
Monday-friday : Wake up - reach office - timepass - reach home - sleep like a log
Saturday : wake up-go to mall - catch a movie-visit a pub-sleep like a log
Sunday: Wake up - already evening-worry about next week-sleep like a log

Is this the life i dreamed of....its really sad actually...life getting stagnated....sometimes i just wanna screw my life up just for the change....and people say i am CRAZY....
whenever i visit a mall and roam here and there like a stray dog....i see lots of people doing the same thing and yet enjoying it....i don't know how....

Lets see how long i can survive...

Life is beautiful..isn't it

2005-11-06T06:32:00.000-08:00

Its getting colder every minute...november nights in delhi is the starting phase of lovely winters.Its really amazing,at age of 73, how he still remembers all the phone numbers.The clock struck 11:00 pm and his fingers moves very quickly on the phone dial.Somebody picks up the phone on the other end.

"Hello Dr. Sen here.."
"O Hellloooo Dr. Sen...How are you ? "

"I....I need an ambulance...my wife fell in the bathroom and i think she broke her leg.."
"Oh....but.....but we have only two ambulances and both are out....I am really SORRY Dr. Sen"
Click

This is the fourth hospital that refused to send the ambulance.Being a doctor no-one can ask Dr. Sen the charges of ambulance and he left practise 3 years back,so nor can he recommend any patient to any of them.Dr. Sen knew that he has to pay the price of being a doctor.So does her wife..who is just sitting motionlessly in the chair without uttering a single word.

Happy Independence Day...

2005-08-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

again a long weekend.... party started from friday night....in three days went to tens of different places in delhi/noida......heard from ghazals to hard rock in all sort of pubs/discs/bars...

so while searching for a new location went to one of pubs in a hep location in delhi... some really cute gals were gyrating like cats on heavy dose of marijuana..... we sat there and blessed god for such a cool place.... a gal came directly to my friend and asked him for a dance..... and me and my other friend watched him go with our jaws touching the floor..... GOD!! what happened to the gals of delhi.....and we were just looking open mouthed to all the gals there...wishing someone ...anyone just come and ask us too for a dance....

soon my friend return with an expression of a convict just escaped from a prison.....he sat next to us and murmered something....and we said "Heloo!!!!!!"...what happened......and came to know...all those were pros......

you have seen lots of vanishing acts in movies with a "spoof" sound in the background and person just disappear....believe me you can do that in real also.... after a second or two i saw me running with my friends in the opposite direction....i don't know why we were running....but we were running..... i mean we are mature enough to handle these things in a lot decent way....but at that time it seems all the fuse just blow off.....two streams of sweat roll behind my ear like they use to roll when "Sethi Sir" used to ask me the pop-quiz question.....and i suddenly stopped thinking....nothing...zero....and suddenly...dont know who...but somebody said run....and i followed the instruction like a robot.....and after sometime when we thought we reached the safe distance(dont know how we thought of the SAFE distance)..we stopped and laughed or ass out......

Anyhow,we gonna modify this whole incident and will gonna tell all our friends about our heroic endeavour....

just got the sms for the name of this post....and hey people " Happy Independence Day"

I love Marika Green....

2005-08-13T03:15:00.000-07:00

just watched this french film "PickPocket" ( ya with english subtitles..but it sounded great that way). Its truly amazing....absolute marvel...somehow i have a special liking towards black and white flicks....maybe cause as a child i used to watch lots of rajkapoor/nargis, balraj sahani films... but the feeling,the environment it creates brings you back to the same old days...

So,its a story about the "supermen".All the guys who are more skillful,intelligent and genius from the rest of the crowd.So the hero believes that these men should not be bound by any barrier of law or anything.... so he lives his life in his own damn way...pickpoketting on the streets of paris....fell in love with jeanne(well i too..she is Marika Green).... and lot of other good things....man i am still trapped in the beauty of this film....

What annoys me...

2005-08-11T01:59:00.000-07:00

- when someone asks you the name of the hero of "phonebooth" and you name all the movies from Tigerland to Alexander but two damn words "colin farrell" doesn't come to your mind.It happens with "who is the singer" kind of question also...

- when you are not able to unwrap the chewing-gum and you tried your luck from both sides of the gum.And finally when it poped out it finds its way straight to the ground....

- when you keep on refreshing the page just to find out the same old page on someone's blog and you scroll down the last post to see if someone else has commented but to find out the number is still the same....

- when you are just two person behind the theater window and the guy announces last three tickets.....i am still waiting to be the guy on the window....

special theater ones:

- when people start talking on the phone in the middle of the movie giving their valuable comments on the movie,actors,theme to cinematography....

- when people try to read out everything that comes in the picture frame...and their friends ask them the meaning of that...

- when the gal sitting behind you giggles and talk in bengali in her high pitch voice....

- when lady sitting next to you try to compare sean penn with "sushil" son of bimla mausi....

- when people ask standard annoying questions " What is happening? " "Why is he going there?" "What he gonna do?"......comm'on wait for a minute and see for yourself OR please go back to sleep!!

- when people do their business deals during the film or make plans for tomorrow

- when all that happens in a single movie show!!

Life as a looser...

2005-06-04T19:31:00.000-07:00

It really sux!!
Scene-1 : Friday night..after crossing half of delhi traffic jam..you reach a pub and then came to know your supposedly date stood you up...and there is no stag entry...half hour later you are with two other friends in a sidey bar drinking beer listening to venga-boyz :((

Scene-2: Saturday morning... you reached the multiplex to book a tick....all show booked till monday...but wait....hey!!...still 3 ticks available for RING-2...but (bhoo hooo!!)...i hate the sequels of all those films whose first part i haven't seen....(ya i m one of those idiotic guy who hasn't seen the ring)....well i guess thats what you need to be a looser...

Scene-3: you give your car for repair after an accident....you are coming out of the workshop with well groomed car and some idiotic kid throws a big rock on your windshied...

Scene-4: Saturday evening and you are still in your office.. writing all that happened to you in last 24 hours...

Song playing on my pc : Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the city of angels
Lonely as I am..together we cry

I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

After a hiatus....

2005-06-02T08:35:00.000-07:00

never had enough time to write a blog.... actually nothing interesting happened in my life also :)
but today i was browsing some link-databse sites where you can find all your lost friends and make new also..... but all i can find is everyone looking for some kind of relationships....go to any gal page and you ll find a zillion entries of no-ones saying your pic is beautiful and some sort of bull shit....
and go to any guys page and you ll find three entries.... all his pals who visited his page for once to know that he still exist.... i mean what is everybody (including me....well i went cause i didn't have any work at my workplace) trying to do.... this absurd way of proving yourself somewhat superior by bragging all the gud stuff about yourself and making fun of some poor chap in the community chat rooms.....people share all kind of stuff on these sites...and that really amuses me....
and i dont think people ever visit these sites after creating their accounts.....
somehow i just don't understand this whole concept of dating through net.....i mean do you really think that you ll find a gud guy/gal through net that you cann't find in people among you whom you know far more better then the guy/gal on the other side of the wired-network at age of 32 with a protruding belly claming to be a guy of 23 with a attractive looks....
or all these are bunch of frustrated loosers who collectively making world a better place to live by hoping each day with every message that they get thinking....this is "The One"....
I think everybody knows these facts but still they are the part of this whole system....i still cann't understand whats the attraction in these illusions...
the only gud thing about these sites that i liked is i met few of my old friends.... and it feels really good to meet old buddies....its like re-living all those good old days....
yup!! i guess most of the people surf these sites for the same reason....

A Silent Scream

2005-04-22T00:46:00.000-07:00

Hello...

Broken words

A thousand thoughts

And one blank line...

Pouncing heartbeat

Blurred silhouette

Weightlessness

And just one blank line...

Hey Jill Happy Birthday!!

weekend hangover

2005-04-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

weekend was great...vikas and his friends came to see me in my new avtar :) went for long drives...it really feel good when the gentle breeze touches your face....roaming for two whole days like stray cows without any motive on delhi-faridabad-gurgaon highways with occasional stops to roadside tea-shops....suddenly life seems to be quite simple....
few things i ve been through
- you are taking a long shower bath and just put a huge amount of shampoo in your hair and suddenly the water disappear from the tap,after one minute you feel very cold in your head because of the extra menthol in your shampoo,at two minutes you will hear small bubble burst in your hair like somebody just opened a thumps up bottle,at five minutes you start cursing the landlord,at 5 and half minutes you felt like you were in there for aeons,and in the end when you find some half filled water bottle in your fridge you have the same grin on your face like on the face of a man coming out of lavatory after a week long constipation.My hair glowed like anything after that!!
- there is a lot of difference in between theoretical knowledge and practicle knowledge especially when you are talking about how to cook "aaloo gobhi"..... "Men are the best chefs"....i am a living example to prove that theory wrong!

song in my mind:
I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five

back to the square one...

2005-03-28T20:09:00.000-08:00

it feels good when someone younger to you introduces you to some of his friends as his younger brother....really good.....time to meet old friends....it was nice feeling...chatting about good old days and who is where and what are they doing over a cup of coffee.....some people do change and some never.....but i love them....now i am feeling home...after staying out from my real home for now more then 6 years, my home is where my friends are...and i left my home just two weeks back...now i am making a new one....

What if...

2005-03-21T20:39:00.000-08:00

ever wondered when you see a stranger on the other side of the road... and your eyes met....and both of you recognise something similar....and you leave that person as it is on the other side of the road....and those few moments...u never know how many times you gonna re-live those moments in your dreams....and think....WHAT IF......what if i ve waved my hand to her.....what if i have said a hello with a smile.....what if she was also interested.....what if....thats the question...things would have been different if you have shown some signs of courage at that particular moment and you gonna repent it untill you encounter a similar situation again :)

I am your worst nightmare....

2005-03-20T20:28:00.000-08:00

Ok..i am 23...and i am single....no no no its not a matrimonial ad...but does this mean i am ready for a marriage....GOD...please try to explain this to my parents.....sometimes they can really annoy you with a non-understanding mode....but deep down in your heart you know all they want is your happiness...but from now on my home trip means lots of strange people in the house whom my parents will introduce me as some distant relatives...and they gonna ask me everything from my sleeping habits to my views on politics which they already know from my parents.....and BAM!! there you go.....one week later a gal will appear from nowhere telling me about her academic records from school to some extra courses she had done in her last summer holidays(as if she is applying for a job....:) in a way she is .....)....
and then my parents will gonna ask me the golden question "How is she?"...and i am sitting totally stunned from all this like a six year old in a porn movie theater ....not able to relate anything....."WHAT do you mean how is she.....for god sake i am not gonna marry her...i dont even know her"....and all they say with their sheepish smile is...."YOU will....you will"....
GOD...its like a neverending nightmare....please anybody who went through this phase of life....please give me some tips to avoid this situation....

I am a bachelor....

2005-03-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

Memories...sweet old memories.....just got a mail from old friend on our group and it refreshed all of my good-sour-bitter memories....especially when he mailed about our college days and after five minutes he sent a continuation mail refering my name and a whole lot of swearing :)
He was upset i never told him about my new job and location change....
Indeed those were the best days of my life.....
You know you always crib about your present situation that how bad it is and how good you were...but the fact is you always move ahead...there is no other option either
So, right now i am doing the house-hunt.....and i am tired of telling the land-lords that i dont drink,i dont smoke, i am a pure vegeterian and my wife and kids will soon join me(in about ten years)...
Ya...dont know why people are afraid of bachelors,cause we are free spirits,having a don't care attitude,enjoying the every single moment of life......i think they are JEALOUS. Hmmmm....ya thats rite....they are jealous of us.....they don't want to see us enjoying our life every single day while they are stuck with their daily household chores.....
Hope the hunt will end soon.

Song of the day - ThankYou "Dido"

New chapter...

2005-03-14T20:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wonder how you risk every damn thing in your life for a dream that no one else can see but you.....
Its a starting of a brand new day.....so i am here in my new work place....
Looks great...my team size is three including me.... people seems to be friendly...dont know how they 'll react professionally..
While coming back from south to north i was very sure that i ll enjoy my stay here....but now all seems to be dull....maybe its just the starting phase.....right now i m enjoying the difference of thinking level of people here and there.....
i met few of my old friends and they are the same as i left them....same set of problems and same priorities.....i was totally lost....then i realise - "hey..this is u one year back"...maybe i ll take some time again to mix here.....but one thing i enjoyed the most....the local bus travel.....i love it....people fighting over one rupee really tells you how much value worth is a one rupee coin...how hard some people have to work to earn one rupee.....

Song of the day - Ironic "Alanis Morissette"

Scribbling on the end leaf...

2005-03-10T22:11:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day in my company.
I cann't express how weird it is to deal with all this good-byes. I mean these are my friends with whom i've lived, breathed, laughed and cried with for the last year,and it is hard as hell not to show my sorrow as i left them for maybe for the final time today.
People say your whole life flashes in front of your eyes just before you die....they are wrong....cause right now when i am writing this blog....all the sweet-sour-bitter memories of past one year falshed like its happening just now.
Till yesterday i thought i like change...but i guess i am wrong....i dont like change...i am accustomed to be with my friends and now i am moving to a new city,leaving all my close friends behind...
I don't know what kind of people i am gonna meet there but no-one will be like this bunch.God i am gonna miss all you guys a lot.
Dont know if anybody gonna read this but thank you all for making my life a joyfull journey.I am a better human being for having known you as friends.
Gud-luck!!

Inspirations...

2005-03-09T23:22:00.000-08:00

Well lot of things inspire a person to do something....something different...either the new novel that you are reading or the movie you just saw or it could be the informal chat with your friend in the night about their plans for the future while sipping a hot cup of coffee....but thats just for the night...next day morning you just forget the whole thing like a dream...
well i am writing this so that i don't forget what i thought for a second last night....
I was reading "alchemist" and gosh it really inspire you to follow your dreams, to do something which you believe in....everything else is just a shear compromise....
Its a story about a shepherd's quest to find his destined "treasure".It tells you how easy for people to give up their dream because of the hardships they think they might face. But this book gave you the hope to follow your dreams - "When a person really desires something,the whole universe conspires to help the person realize his dreams"...
But for a confused person like me..the ultimate question is what is my dream to be....i have no idea right now....still stuggling to dream something...something big...something different...but what is that "something"....that i dont really know.....
So i am like a mountain river flowing freely with no idea where i ll reach in the end.....but that will be sea for sure.....i guess :)